Hey, guys, the list is FINALLY here. Below, you'll see the top 10 manliest video game characters of ALL time. I managed to put together this list in under 40 minutes. Go me! I would like this to be a place where people can come and find manly video game characters. Well, what are you waiting for? Go read the list and become the manliest man on your block!
10. Mr. Domino - No One Can Stop Mr. Domino
Awww, how cute.
Erm.... ok, not exactly the best sentence to start a manly list. Anyway, don't let the looks of this domino deceive you. He may be small and kind-looking, but he does quite an amount of damage. In the first level in his game, Mr. Domino will be inside a family's house. There, he'll have to avoid obstacles and attempt to knock down all the dominos. Now, placed in this house are buttons on the floor that you can press by knocking down a domino on top of it. What happens when one of these buttons are pressed? Well, something horrible happens to one of the family members, duh. See the father in the living room? If you press the button in his area, a boxing glove will pop out of the tv and knock his ass to the ground! Who would've thought a single, MANLY domino could do so much damage?
9. Captain Onishima - Jet Grind Radio
Ah, the captain that just won't quit. At the start of Jet Grind Radio, he's nothing but an annoyance. He'll chase you all over the city with his police squad, but you can easily out run him or find refuge in many high places (funny how these guys can't climb the simplest of objects). There are times where he'll be able to get a lucky shot off of you with his gun, but that's it. However, this all changes when you get deeper into JGR. Onishima will not only just send the police, but SWAT teams, police cars and bikes, para-troopers, and even helicopters after your ass.
So what have we learned from this manly man? Don't plaster graffiti all over his city.... he'll fuck you up. Big time.
8. Two Crude Dudes - Two Crude Dudes
Sure, the Bad Dudes were bad enough to rescue the president and kick the crap out of an army of ninjas, but their manliness was greatly reduced at the game's ending. When the president thanks them, he then asks them to join him for a burger. Unfortunately, the next thing we see is the president eating a burger, with s bad dude standing beside him, smiling like an idiot. What? You were too afraid to ask where your burger was, Bad Dude? I don't think they even deserve that title after witnessing this dark day in video game history.
Enough of this unmanly talk. We're here to talk about manly men. And that's what the Two Crude Dudes are! Tossing midgets, using street lights as weapons, picking up hovercrafts from out of the sky and then THROWING them at the enemy, I mean, that's all kinds of manliness. And unlike the Bad Dudes' disgraceful ending, the Two Crude Dudes, with bags full of money, talk about how manly they are in their ending. The Bad Dudes ain't got nothing on them. Period.
7. Kendal - Kingdom Under Fire: The Crusaders
I was originally gonna pick Gerald, but then I remembered something: he had a brakedown when someone he knew died early on in the game. Granted, he was slaughtering an army at the time, but still....
So that's when I remembered Kendal. This manly man never whimpered or complained once during his battles. Even when things got crazy as hell towards the end of the game, he didn't flinch once. He kicked the shit out of anything that dared attack him, and shouted quotes in a manly manner in the process. That, and his missions were better than Gerald's.
6. Agent 47 - Hitman Series
Reasons Why Agent 47 Is A Badass
I mean, really..... I don't even have to explain why he made it on this list.
5. Mike Haggar - Final Fight
When the Mad Gear gang tried to stop the mayor (formerly a wrestler) from cleaning up crime in Metro City by kidnapping his daughter, did Mike Haggar buckle under pressure?
Fuck no.
Instead, Mike, along with a generic-looking man and a NINJA, went to the streets and kicked the shit out of anyone and everyone in their paths. This included a fat police man, giants, whores, and men who dressed up as whores. Hell, Mike even destroyed a parked car at a gas station. Why? Because he's manly, damn it. Now, if only we could see this type of stuff from the Governator...
4. Major Marco Rossi - Metal Slug Series
You knew when the first mission of Metal Slug started, you were in for quite a treat. One man against an army that resembles the Nazis? That premise alone would've been enough for me to try out the game. And even though Marco could destroy this army with only a knife, a gun, and a few grenades, there were many other weapons he could use: heavy machine guns, shotguns, rawket lawnchas, laser shots, and so on. Of course, Marco also have vehicles, ranging from the always dependable Metal Slug to a friggin Elephant Slug. The Nazi-esque army isn't the only obstacle Marco faces when he uses his weapons of mass destruction. There's also zombies, mummies, pirates, ninjas, and even aliens. I could ramble on, but you already know how a Metal Slug game works and why Marco is a manly man, right?
...... RIGHT?
3. Ladd - Bionic Commando (NES)
He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head. He blew up Hitler's head.
2. Sgt. Allen - Metal Slug Series
With all the enemies Marco faces in the Metal Slug series, you'd think there would be at least one of them that's as manly and able to stand up to him multiple times, right? Fortunately, that's correct. What we have here is Sgt. Allen, the manliest enemy in Metal Slug. This bald-headed, beefed-up, machine gun-wielding foe always appears on screen with confidence that's as strong and hard as an elephant's penis. He shouts awesomely manly insults, and when you defeat him, he'll just come back later for more. I mean, for cryin' out loud, a whale ate him in Metal Slug 2, yet, he came back in Metal Slug 3 to kick the shit out of you and the aliens. It's a damn shame you never got to control him, the closest we got to that is the mini-game on the PS2 and Xbox ports of MS3 where he appears at the press of a button. I swear, if SNK actually makes a Sgt Allen game, and it's in 3D, I'LL KILL THEM.
Here we are, manly readers! We've finally reached #1! There hasn't been any speculation on who would take the #1 spot, because I made the decision in a matter of seconds. What manly video game character was able to top the likes of Mr. Domino, Two Crude Dudes, and even Sgt. Allen?
Make the gigantic leap to see who won!