The other day (and by the other day, I mean a week ago when I originally finished this page), as I was looking through my various spam emails that I get on a daily basis and hitting the delete button like mad, something caught my eye. The last email I deleted had the header of "Baldness is now optional". I didn't get to read what was actually inside, but that header got me thinking: Baldness... now optional? Could this be true? Would I really be able to switch between having hair, being bald, and then back again within seconds? If this was a reality, just think of the things you can do: you won't have to worry about your hair being a mess when you put on a hat, you can become a bald model without actually cutting off your beautiful hair, and you can scare people off by transforming into the Great Baldy Bastard. The possibilities are endless. I mean, just think of the troubles various video game characters can get out of with this wonderful, new invention.
Take Agent 47 for example. By the time Blood Money rolled around, he was referred to as the Bald Assassin. He'll have a much harder time trying to perform hits walking around with that sexy, bald head of his. And I doubt he'll want to carry around a bunch of silly looking wigs with him where ever he goes. That's where the bald device will come in handy:
WOW, just look at that! Now whenever 47 takes out someone, all he'll have to do is switch to a full set of hair in a second, and BAM, people will think a purple-haired freak killed the manager of a fast food restaurant.
Solid Snake is just another good example of someone who would really benefit from this new, amazing product. For the first half of the game, he'll do fine sneaking around. But it's only later on, when he goes up against boss characters that like to tell their life story before they die, that his presence will be well known. Again, that's when the bald product will become useful:
Watch out, talking-hand brother of doom, you're about to get a dose of some solid, bald action (wait, what?). This will definitely throw off the already stupid guards who are expecting a spy with a killer mullet.
So, I say yes to this awesome new bald product! Everyone in the world will want one, and will change lives forever. Thank you. Thank you, "Bald is now optional" email header, you opened my eyes up to a whole new world of baldness.